Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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