WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
