remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
