ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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