I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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