Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
