Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
