Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
