Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
