as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize