I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
