I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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