I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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