i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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