Hey man sorry I got all grabby
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
