I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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