Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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