it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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