Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
