is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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