I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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