Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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