Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
