There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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