My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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