I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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