i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dignity is for republicans.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize