this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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