Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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