Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
