You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
