If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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