I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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