i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
