I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
