hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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