Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
