Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
