so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
