Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
