I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
