And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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