I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
