I want to make a zoo with you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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