Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
