so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What a dumb baby whore.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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