I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
