Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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