I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
