If that was your dad, he is hot
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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