omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
