I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
