I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
