Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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