How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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