I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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