I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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