i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
