John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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