taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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