that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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