I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
