my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
