sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
