My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
