I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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