if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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