I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
