from now on my penis is your penis
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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