her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize