Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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