how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
